Jade Jewelry

2
Draven woke up in a jolt, sweat leaking down his flushed face. He heard gasps and turned to see his two servants beaming in exhilaration. His butler however was standing up formally in his white suit. An unreadable expression held in his dead set jade- green eyes.
“Young lord you have awakened!” A boy with tumbling curly chestnut brown hair and chocolate eyes spoke with relief. He had that sort of Hollywood chiseled look that would make the spotlight always aim for him. Yet somehow with his good charms he had ended up as a servant.
“You were shaking quite a bit sir.” The girl with long silk blonde hair and soft grayish irises inquired. Draven saw that her soft hand was lying on top of his; she yanked it back immediately and looked away shyly. Confused Draven shrugged it off.
Draven rubbed at his temples, easing the throbbing. Suddenly the two clouded with worry, Draven scooted to the edge of the bed. “It was just a bad dream I’m fine.”
‘Then why doesn’t it feel like that?’
They caught each others in quick glances and nodded. Draven found himself stuck on his butler, a cold shiver rippled up and down along his bare pale arms. “What do you have to say Desmond?” He questioned, it pained him that his butler always seem to not care about him. But then again why should he, he was only working for the money.
“I must prepare for breakfast, if you will excuse me, my lord.” Desmond bent down onto one knee and held his left hand across his chest, his sun bathed golden hair casting a halo of shadows over his angular olive skinned face. Draven didn’t need to look hard to find the frown itching on his slim pink lips. As he gathered himself back up he motioned towards the others. “Come Helena and Noah, we must not keep the young master waiting.”
Helena and Noah hurried after Desmond, the door closed strenuously. Leaving Draven all alone he fell back onto the linen sheets. Covering his right eye and sighing.
“My name is Draven Nightshade; I am the prince of death angels, my family died when I was six. My uncle is the king until I come of age.” He launched into his unhealthy habit of talking to himself when he needed reassurance. Flashes of blood and dead bodies played in his mind. Shutting his eyelids he whispered.
“Am I a killer?”
It was too real to be a dream, something wasn’t right, if he did kill the king why wouldn’t he remember?
Draven contemplated the same question over and over again for at least the next ten minutes. Occasionally he was grabbing at the crests in the sheets. At one point he decided that he needed to get ready for the impending day ahead. He headed into the shower, making sure it was at its hottest temperature. He always liked things hot and never cold.
Like his heart was, though he denied that freeze, he knew it was there, somewhere. Squeezing and clawing bits by bits until there would be nothing.
The feverish water ran down his body like rain, he scrubbed his thick hair with blue shampoo. It was so calming Draven smiled and leaned his head back so that he could feel more of that calming sensation.
He stepped out and draped a towel around his torso and continued so to the steamed up mirror. He made a arch across the mirror, the steam disappearing where his hand touched.
Studying himself in the mirror he wondered who he was looking at. Was he Draven the prestige prince or Draven the unknown killer? Was the ebony black shaggy hair and hauntingly dark rose- purple eyes really him or a murderer in disguise?
He felt it… somehow he had to have killed before. Maybe it wasn’t as drastic as the king of archangels, but still it crawled in the darkest parts hidden in his memories that Draven himself couldn’t touch.
Draven then dressed into a dark black and purple flannel, black skinny jeans and purple vans. He added just a faint tinge of eye liner but not much to be overly noticeable.
Black and purple were colors meant for him, he just couldn’t picture colors like neon yellow or cherry red, it would be like feeding pigs bacon. Completely wrong and terribly disgusting.
He was on his way out when he saw the portrait of a women with light brown hair and purple eyes and a man with black shaggy, wavy hair like Draven’s.
“Good morning Mom, Dad.” He smiled weakly though tears threatened at his shimmering eyes. “I promise to make it another good day for you guys.” Hands in pockets Draven devoured the image of his parents smile. So that perhaps he could last the whole day without making others know how alone he really was.
Draven inhaled and opened the soaring double doors and stepped out into the light.
“Here we go.”

ok i know u have no idea whats going on cause its not the beginning its in the middle of the book, but anyways so i take the chpters i think needs work and ask u guys to help me with anything like gramical or repation of words and how to fix it.
Thnk you
PLZ TELL ME WHAT YOU DID LIKE AND WHAT NEEDED FIXING!


For the most part it was pretty good. Whats with the eyeliner? Guys shouldn’t wear makeup. And the flannel, skinny jeans, and vans don’t seem like what a prestige prince should/would wear.

I finished everything but is the beginniing okay?

Jason returned looking as he always did, arrogant. His soaking wet inky black hair was plastered to his head and he held his chin high with pride. He had a thin nose that pointed out and his pale face was as smooth as clay. No doubt, he washed it constantly. His toffee brown eyes were slightly narrowed giving him an unusual look and it would definitely be a matter of opinion if he was handsome.
“I killed it,” he boasted as his mentor, Justinian just looked at him with a glimmer of pride in his ebony eyes. His mouth twitched upward, never fully reaching a smile. “Look, I even brought back a little charm it was wearing as a trophy of my achievement,” Jason continued holding up a heart shaped necklace proudly in his gloved hand. Intricate designs traced around the silver heart and a thin chain looped through it. Neveah reached forward to touch it when Jason’s hand shot out and stopped her.
“Watch out, there is some spell on this necklace. It burns the skin,” he said. “And my fair lady, we could not afford for your precious hand to be harmed,” he smoothly added. At these words Neveah pulled her pale hand back smiling, no longer even looking at the necklace.
“Was it easy,” Aisha asked circling him like a vulture circles prey.
“Simple,” he hissed, indulging in the attention.
“I am impressed,” Neveah said smiling slightly, her fiery red hair glinting in the light.
“What’s wrong with you then, Bri?” Jason asked teasingly turning to her. “Surely you must be brimming with questions about my great achievement.”
“Your only great achievement today was getting out of bed and brushing your hair this morning,” Bri said harshly, glaring at him with disgust.
“Brianna! You must show respect to the 3rd years,” her mentor Jade snapped walking into the room. Jason’s grin widened as he heard the word 3rd year and he stared poignantly at Bri’s knife hanging on her hip as if he could see the words 2nd year inscribed on it. Noticing the direction of his glance she swept her cloak in front of her and crossed her arms sullenly.
Turning to Jason, Jade then brought her harsh comments onto him. “Congratulations Jason, but we do not boast. Killing is our trade. Does a baker boast about the bread he makes? I should hope not! The strong stay quiet as the weak feel the need to get recognized. Now off to bed, all of you!” Jason’s smile faded slightly at this comment and he sulked away as Aisha turned to Bri, giggling like a little girl.
“Jason is so strong and handsome,” she said. “I’m sure he barely had to try to kill that idiotic little girl.”
“She was our age,” Bri murmured softly.
“’That doesn’t matter,” Aisha said laughing. “She was an enemy of the king. An evil soul, hopefully death cleansed her of her sins.” Bri nodded and shook her head to clear it. These thoughts of mercy were what got people killed! Would it have been better if that girl had continued and caused riots that made hundreds of people die? No, of course not! This was the most just action possible.
“Are you even listening to me?” Aisha asked annoyed, glaring at her. “When do you think we’ll get to go on a hunt? Then we can get moved up and be third years too. After all I don’t want Neveah accelerating to the same level as us.”
“I don’t know,” Bri said, glaring at her with bright green, almond shaped eyes. She turned her head in such a way that her long, wavy raven black hair provided a barrier between her and Aisha. Disappointed by her apparent lack of enthusiasm Aisha left her to go talk to Neveah. They giggled and joked about Jason but Bri could have cared less. She entered her room and looked in the cracked and dirty mirror.
Could this girl be a killer? Could she be like Jason? No, would she be like Jason? These thoughts swirled around in her head like a tornado. I will not be a killer; I will be an assassin, like Jade, Bri thought strongly, as if thinking it louder would make it true.
“What’s wrong with you tonight?” Aisha asked sneering at Bri. Her hair was the color of charred wood and cropped short. From under her side swept bangs her dark green eyes stared at Bri. “You don’t seem interested in anything.”
“How natural of you! You just love being in the limelight and having someone to listen to you ramble on. I never mind hearing your silly chatter but tonight I just want time by myself, is that so hard to understand?” Bri said, exploding like a volcano, her normally rosy cheeks flushing bright red.
“My apologies, great one, I never meant to offend you! Why, you are just the most important person here, aren’t you? Just because you are the apprentice of Jade, the leader of the guild, doesn’t give you the right to boss me around,” Aisha responded vigorously.
“I am sorry I value peace and quiet! Trivial chit chat is going to do nothing to enhance my mood tonight so I suggest you close your mouth,” Bri snapped, her small chin protruding slightly, a frown upon her face.

It’s a great start, just describe the setting because I have no idea how to picture where they’re standing and how far apart they are from each other. There’s a tad too much description of what they look like, it could just use a little editing. Eye color is rarely important and if it is, explain why. It just takes away from what’s happening.

Nice job – good luck!